I am going to let you in something, it may seem brutal, but it is the truth.
Nobody can advocate for you, except you.
I can tell already you are looking at this screen like “Really, Steph….”
You may be thinking…
“I have a partner!”
“I have a group of friends.”
Or even, “I have my parent(s).”
Hear me out.
Are your partners at your interviews?
Your friends, are they available all the time?
Do your parents attend all your appointments?
No. But you know who does? You.
I remember being in a situation where I was so angry because I was not being taken seriously. The only answer was getting into my car, with my windows down blasting (and screaming) The Man by Taylor Swift over and over again.
- Some doors are closed and not meant to be opened, but I took a batting ram to them- knocking them down.
- Some of those Red Flags… sometimes have looked a little Coral to me.
- Some of those people seemed like they really wanted my help.
I am a recovering people pleaser and have been through all those above scenarios.
- That door I crashed through, that room was never meant for me. My energy needed a different room, one with more space and bigger windows… and painted pink.
- I really needed to put on my glasses because that Coral flag… well it turned out to be Red.
- The hardest lesson, not everyone who wants help is actively ready to change their life.
Though it was hard… every time I have come across these scenarios a lesson was learned. I was not meant to take up that space, I needed to wait for my opportunity and my space. Stay away from Red flag behaviors for your own mental health. Most importantly, it is not your job to save everyone- you are not Superman. You have to stop putting yourself in situations that harm your being.
Time to fess up, I am a recovering people pleaser who gives my all to everyone I come in contact. No is not something I knew how to say, boundaries- what boundaries? Until it became clear my mental health was struggling, boundaries weren’t a thing- quickly I learned to fill my own cup first.
My wish is that I hope that you chose yourself.
I hope that you advocate for yourself.
Until last year, I did not know how to do that. Yes, you heard that right- I did not know how to choose myself and advocate for myself until 2023… I was born in the 90’s. Scary right? I had just assumed that if you always try to do the right thing and always try to be a good human, good things come back to you.
You can be a good human, who does good things and have boundaries. This was a foreign truth I learned through Therapy. Boundaries are not meant to hurt other people; they are meant to protect you.
- Nobody else is going to advocate the things you are comfortable and uncomfortable with.
- Nobody else is going to advocate for your health.
- Nobody else is going to speak up effectively about your wants, needs, boundaries, responsibilities and even the things you are a leader in.
A brutal truth… the world is filled with a lot of self-centered people who thrive when people who people please shut up and expect the world to be fair. It is not.
Advocating for yourself does not make you selfish.
It is time to take that power back!
I want to hear from my recovering people pleasers! What is the hardest part of advocating for yourself?
We will deep dive on this in one of our Podcast episodes! Make sure you are following our Babe Era Podcast!